2018’s Word: Present

So last year my word was cultivate. I went back and read my blog post about it, and I laughed because even then I wanted my word to be flourish or growth. Oh if only I had known. I picked cultivate really as a pushy word. I mean that I was trying to trick my life into getting to growth by next year. I was acquiescing for a year in hopes of getting my way. Not really maturity, just trickery. And here’s the thing, my word for the year still isn’t growth (unless I mean in maturity 😉 ) and it’s not flourish or “thank goodness you finally made it and can stop waiting.” Nope, my word this year is present.


Because cultivate still implied that I could make things happen, I could work hard, and pray harder, and work the system and things would happen. But here’s the thing, I live in spaces that take time. I can’t speed up and see the ending of being foster parents. I can’t speed up and see where my church is in 5 years. I can’t speed up and see where my family is in 5 years. So if cultivate meant, “try and plan the future” then present means just that – this year I will be present.


I will be present and try not to wish away days. I will be present and try not to predict the future. I will be present and try not to let worry rob me of today’s joy. I will be present and not have foreboding joy – where I plan for all the bad things and say I’m making myself feel better when I’m not. I will live into each day with our foster daughter Little Bean and with Trent in gratitude to the best of my ability. I will seek to be present with myself, with grace for myself.


This year my word is present. Not to try and trick the universe, not so I can see the future, but just in hopes that I live each day with as much grace, joy, and gratitude as I can muster, so when the future arrives, I will be more present and more thankful for it.


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